it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
