Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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