Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
