last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
