Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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