I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
