one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
