I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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