I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
