The maid of honor just puked.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
