you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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