How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
