girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
