pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
