If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We need to rekindle our bromance
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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