Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
