she was so not down for the gang bang
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
