I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
