Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
