non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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