lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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