Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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