We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
