i wish my penis had a tongue
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
