So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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