Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
