Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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