The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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