Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
