Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Enjoy the penises
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
