Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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