Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
