Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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