lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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