I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
