i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
