babies were throwing up all over the place
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
