I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Randomize
