dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
this hospital has no fireball
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
