i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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