my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
