I cockslap morals
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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