Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
