I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
