Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
