then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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