I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
