he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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