It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
