She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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